Why Her and Not Me?


Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Galatians 6:4

Are you paralyzed by what God has called you to do because you are comparing your life with “her”? We all are tempted to compare ourselves to her. The her who is living your dream. The her you struggle to celebrate and say, “good for her”. The her whose picture-perfect Instagram posts make you feel like you don’t measure up. Whether it is a comparison thought that is fleeting or frequent, you can’t help but feel as if God values her more than you.

A couple of weeks ago, I taught two sessions at a women’s retreat. One of them was titled: Why Her and Not Me? If we are honest, we all get caught in the comparison trap when we look at what others have instead of what we have. Instead of taking our comparison thoughts captive, we are often held captive by our thoughts.

The world needs who God has called us to be. If we are derailed in comparing our life with her, it will hinder the beautiful good works God has planned for our lives to do.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:10

Are you ready to gain victory over negative comparison thoughts? Here are 5 tips to help you get unstuck and move forward in the calling God has for your life:

1. Pinpoint your comparison thoughts by asking yourself challenging questions:

  • Who is her that I am comparing myself with?

  • What do I see in her life that I want? Why?

  • How are my comparison thoughts affecting my behavior?

  • Why do I think her accomplishments limits God’s opportunities for my life?

  • Am I focused on the good things in her life and not her entire story?

  • When are my comparison thoughts most triggered? An event? Social media?

  • Is this thought consistent with God’s Word?

2. Pretty thoughts filter:

Filter your negative comparison thoughts with Philippians 4:8: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.

3. Pay attention to your own work:

God has made you unique and called you to do beautiful work for His glory. Memorize Galatians 6:4 which says: Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Write measurable goals about what it would look like for you to pay attention to the work God has planned for you to live your life doing. Never stop thanking God for what you have been called to do even if it is not yet where you want it to be.

4. Prepare to fight comparison thoughts by taking them captive:

Download the accompanying journal. Complete the exercise to identify the comparison lies and replace them with the truth of God’s Word.

5. Pray:

God says that His thoughts toward us are as numerous as the grains of sand upon the earth. His thoughts of us are immeasurable. Don’t allow the enemy to place thoughts in your head to get you to compare yourself with Priscilla Shirer, Yolanda Adams, or whoever your “her” is. Pray that God allows you to realize that “her” appointed time is not God’s appointed time for your life. Pray that you will pay attention to your own work and not only get the satisfaction of a job well done, but to hear God say, Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things (Matthew 25:1).

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